Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
