New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
