in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
