apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
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I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
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I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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