The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
