So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
