Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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