I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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