We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
