Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
