Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize