last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
