Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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