You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
