I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
