if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
