the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
