Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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