i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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