i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I will die if light touches me.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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