he was CRYING into my vagina
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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