so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
