they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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