But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
