Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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