I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
