dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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