I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How does one acquire holy water?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
