Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
