He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
