I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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