Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
