Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
