Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
