i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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