oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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