I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
