Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
