Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
