You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
