Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
