Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
