I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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