Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
