Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
