James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
