Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
