i just wanna soil my oats bro
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
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Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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