My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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