would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
