Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
