I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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