Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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