Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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