Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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