So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
