making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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