pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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