Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize